What are Throuples?
The term "throuple" is a portmanteau of the words "three" and "couple." It describes a romantic relationship involving three or more people (although a throuple specifically focuses on three). A throuple is a form of polyamorous relationship, meaning that it generally excludes healthy monogamy, or, being satisfied by one person. Like polyamorous relationships, throuples generally include emotional, sexual or intellectual involvement among each of the partners, from what might be classified as a traditional 3-2 relationship, where two of the people are in a relationship with one person who has the space or capacity to love more than one person, to a 3-3 triad , where all three people are in a relationship with all of the other people in the relationship.
People establish relationships like these for a variety of reasons, which stem from their different personal capacities for and desires for relationships. Typically, the hallmark of a polyamorous relationship is honest communication, and if all the parties are on-board with the idea of including another person in their lives, the arrangement can be successful. Polyamorous people, and throuples in particular, often seek out open relationships, which allow one individual to have more than one partner, or multiple itions, in which commitments and other aspects of relationships that most societies typically assign to monogamous relationships, like sexual fidelity or living arrangements, are redefined to suit each person’s personal needs.
Are Throuples Legal in the United States?
The legal status of throuples in the United States remains largely uncharted. Among the states where polygamous unions are banned, that means they don’t provide legal recognition for polyamorous ones either. However, some jurisdictions have found creative ways to avoid the polyamorous recognition barrier.
In 2010, Oregon’s former Governor, Ted Kulongoski, vetoed a bill that would have allowed individuals to create three-person domestic partnerships. He explained that he didn’t want to set a precedent for "both defined and undefined benefit claims that would bring ten, twenty or fifty more people into this union."
Oregon has a domestic partnership law that recognizes relationships that involve at least two individuals, but not groups larger than two. In 2007, Senator Avel Gordly proposed to scrap the two-person limitation on a domestic partnership, but it was met with vigorous opposition.
Supporters argue that a three-person domestic partnership would have more impact on the lives of people who are already raising children together or aging together than a second marriage of a person whose first marriage is already deemed invalid. Opponents argue that creating a three-person partnership would open the door to a horde of people trying to get registered.
In recent years, other states such as Texas, Alabama, and Utah have also attempted to oppose the recognition of polygamous relationships on similar grounds. While there have been various efforts by different states to recognize polyamorous relationships, few if any enjoy the same recognition and support by state legislatures that same-sex marriage does among those states.
Not all states forbid multiple spouses. In Utah, for example, a Utah statute prohibits individuals from entering into more than one marriage at a time. Violation of this statute is a third-degree felony. However, the Utah statute generally only applies to those who violate the prohibition against bigamy, not to the spouses of a bigamist.
One area in which the law has begun to recognize plural families is through multi-parent adoptions. Kentucky revised its laws to allow three- and four-parent adoptions in 2017. Under Kentucky law, to adopt a child, the parents must be married to each other as husband and wife, or any combination of partners to or parties to a civil union.
A few other states may also allow multi-parent adoptions. In 2013, Vermont passed legislation allowing multiple parents to adopt a child. At least a dozen other states allow step-parents to adopt their partner’s children. While none of these laws specifically target three- or four-parent adoptions, the fact that most of these states already have laws allowing non-married couples to adopt a child lays the legal groundwork for the addition of more adults.
States often limit the number on paper. For example, California courts have limited the number of parents who can adopt a child to four—two roles per adult. In 2016, the California Supreme Court affirming a 2000 ruling that a lesbian couple could jointly and separately adopt a child, making them both legal co-parents.
As the legal landscape continues to evolve, it suggests that more states will recognize the legitimacy and validity of three-parent and four-parent families beyond the definition of child adoption.
The Global Perspective on Throuples
Because the law regarding throuples is still evolving, it’s reasonable to go outside of the United States to see how throuples are treated abroad. Acceptance of throuples has been slow but steadily increasing around the world. The Netherlands formally recognizes same-sex marriages and registered partnerships, as well as unions of three or more partners. In France, while the law does not permit marriage between three people, a Supreme Court rule allows clinical psychologies the right to examine the emotional relationships among more than two people. Or, in Mexico, throuples in Mexico City are granted the same rights as married couples are.
France goes even further, offering parents, regardless of marital status, the right to adopt. In fact, through a court ruling in 2019, children can be adopted by three parent throuples in France, including the right to legitimate rights. In this case, cabaret entertainer Orelsan (whose real name is Aurélien Cotentin) and his partner, Kristof Gruda, were allowed to adopt Gruda’s biological son. If you dig deep enough, you can see that there are patterns in how throuples are treated across various countries; such as, some nations considering tax benefits and parental responsibility.
Real World Implications for Throuples
Many of the challenges that throuples – and polyamorous couples in general – face are similar to those faced by same-sex couples in the early 2000s and before the US Supreme Court’s decision in Obergefell v. Hodges. Because the law is always behind societal norms and mores, a throuple may not be recognized as a family because the third point of the triangle doesn’t have the legal rights and obligations that a spouse or common-law partner would have. As married individuals or couples are legally recognized as a family, this creates a problem of who the third person is in the throuple.
Less formal arrangements, such as polyfidelitous or non-monogamous relationships that were not established for sexual purposes, may face fewer legal hurdles. Many of these relationships exist for practical purposes rather than sexual fulfillment. For throuples who are in a polyfidelitous or open relationship with a commitment to share sex with members outside the relationship, a court will look at the intent of the parties to determine if a legal relationship exists.
The most common issue faced by throuples or polyamorous couples is the issue of custody and guardianship . Many courts don’t treat biological or adoptive parents differently from stepparents, and expect that non-parents can demonstrate a "bond" with the child or children they may have been raising with their partner of spouse. The legal bond needs to be significant enough that it cannot be easily broken. A court will review factors similar to those of common-law partners, but take into consideration the common-law parent’s intent to raise the child with their partner, and the responsibilities he or she took on with the birth parent. Not all provinces or territories have laws governing the creation of legal non-parent roles or relationship and some courts feel that they have limited jurisdiction to consider evidence of a third party’s parental-like relationship with the child.
There are other obvious concerns when it comes to throuples and polyamorous couples, such as healthcare planning for joint pooling of resources, care of children where multiple parties are involved, and adoption. In Canada, only a married couple or two people in a civil union can make a joint application to adopt; same-sex couples cannot legally adopt together, and if one parent dies, the children are not automatically assumed to be the children of the deceased parent’s partner.
Future Prospects and Legal Advocacy
As throuples have become more visible in popular culture, advocacy efforts utilizing legal arguments have made a dent in the public consciousness.
The Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition, a nationwide non-profit effort drawing lawyers, polygamists, polyamorists and academics, has been making strides in recent months. In August, the group released a set of model laws that can be individually or collectively introduced in legislative sessions around the country to achieve legal recognition for a three-partner family legally recognized as a "triad."
The legal advocacy group’s model laws include a way for triads to marry though a three-way marriage license, a way to adopt a child together, a freedom of movement amendment (which would protect or enhance travel rights in some states), and changes to more than a dozen laws that wouldn’t require the state to recognize throuples and triads as a legitimate family, but give triads the same rights as other married couples.
Interestingly, the laws do not focus on living arrangements, which would be difficult for a government to define or regulate. Because a triad could feasibly live in one residence, or spread arrangements of partners out amongst three homes, the advocacy groups focused on the three-play living arrangement as a secondary concern. The focus of the model laws is simply to grant triads the same rights that other couples (married or tolerant of live-in lovers) find protected by law.
The model laws are a minimal approach. Over the next year, the group plans to introduce these laws in various states and monitor their reception.
Conclusion: The Evolving Landscape of Throuples
Currently, throuples exist in a legal gray area. As polyamorous family dynamics gain visibility, ongoing advocacy and clear legislative guidelines will be essential to ensure that throuples have access to the same legal protections as all families. While some states have made strides in protecting the rights of polyamorous families, there is still no mechanism for throuples to marry or adopt children, meaning that throuples continue to fall through the cracks of the law. As Americans increasingly identify as polyamorous – and as the political tides shift towards social progressivism – it’s likely that throuples will continue to gain visibility.
In the meantime, some municipalities, such as the City of Bellingham, Washington, have made efforts to protect polyamorous residents’ rights. Other cities may follow suit, but a more systematic and state-wide approach is required .
At the same time, increasing visibility of polyamorous families also means greater awareness of discrimination and prejudice faced by such families. In 2019, a number of notable anti-bias laws passed in West Virginia and the District of Columbia, aimed at preventing discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity. With the introduction of more legal anti-bias laws, polyamorous families may find further protection from discrimination.
Thus far, non-monogamous relationships have received limited legal recognition. Throuples are currently prohibited from marrying, adopting children together, filing joint taxes, or making medical decisions for one another. Resource limitations may also impact the ability of some throuples to access legal support. To advance legal recognition of throuple relationships, polyamorous advocacy groups and individuals alike must continue to push for greater access to legal services and fight on behalf of the rights of polyamorous families.
